**Sources (with links) used for this article are compiled at the bottom. These sources would also be good for further reading/research into the topic.
MLOs likely see it all the time. You connect with a prospective borrower, share information, maybe even run numbers together, and then they stop responding. In the dating world, this is called ghosting, and it happens in the mortgage world too.
It can feel personal, but most of the time it has nothing to do with you. Breaking down why it happens and knowing how to gently draw clients back can make the difference between a lost lead and a closed loan.
Why Borrowers Slip Away
Borrowers go silent for many reasons. Some are practical, others are psychological. Knowing what might be going on helps you respond with empathy instead of frustration.
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1) They Don’t See the Difference
Many originators position themselves as jack‑of‑all‑trades. When every loan officer sounds the same, prospects don’t see why they should pick you. The Vonk Digital team notes that a generic “I do every type of loan” pitch makes you blend into the crowd. People gravitate toward specialists because it feels safer. If you can’t articulate what makes you uniquely helpful, a borrower may wander over to someone else without telling you.
2) They Feel Oversold or Under‑Educated
Aggressive sales tactics can trigger resistance. Prospects shut down when they feel like they’re being sold to instead of helped. The best originators focus on understanding their clients’ goals and offering education rather than pushing a product. When borrowers don’t feel informed or supported, silence becomes an easy escape.
3) Follow‑Up Falls Flat
Speed to respond matters. A prospect who doesn’t hear back quickly may assume you’ve moved on. Vonk points out that helpful follow‑up reinforces that you’re the right fit and that canned, impersonal content can turn people away. Similarly, the Certified Credit team notes that mortgage lenders often take 48 hours to respond to inquiries; in that time, a competitor may swoop in. If your follow‑up is sporadic or generic, clients may decide it’s easier to disappear.
4) Trust Signals Are Missing
Borrowers research you online. They look at reviews, your website, and your social feeds for reassurance. When those signals are absent, prospects may question your credibility and quietly move on to someone with a stronger online presence.
5) The Timing Isn’t Right
Sometimes life gets in the way. Priorities shift due to budget changes, internal restructuring, or personal events. The MTD Sales article notes that timing issues are common... people may simply not be ready to move forward. The Vonk piece echoes this, advising originators to have a nurture system to stay connected until the borrower is ready. Don’t assume silence equals rejection. It might just mean “not right now.”
6) Their Needs Don’t Match Your Offer
Borrowers may realize your solution doesn’t fit their specific situation. MTD lists misalignment of needs and engagement with competitors among the reasons prospects disengage. If they’re trying out multiple lenders and yours doesn’t align with their requirements, they might choose not to say no directly.
7) They’re Overwhelmed or Avoiding Conflict
Buying a home involves big numbers and complex paperwork. When prospects face too many options or feel pressure, they sometimes freeze. MTD highlights decision paralysis and the tendency to avoid conflict as psychological reasons for ghosting. Rather than tell you they’re confused or uninterested, they stop responding.
8) Expectations Are Unclear
If the next step isn’t explicit, prospects can drift away. When there’s ambiguity about timelines, responsibilities, or communication channels, people may assume you’ll reach out later and forget. Close CRM’s sales experts point out that prospects often ghost when they aren’t sure what comes next.
9) They Found a Better Offer or Changed Circumstances
In a competitive market, borrowers shop around. Kadence notes that better offers and alternative deals are a common reason consumers ghost. Personal or financial changes, such as a job loss or a new baby, also influence their readiness. When life shifts, it’s easier for them to go quiet than to explain.
10) You’re Not Staying in Front of Past Clients
Most loan officers’ income comes from past clients and referrals, yet 71% of customers forget their loan officer within 13 months. Homebot’s research found that irrelevant content, like generic birthday cards or DIY tips with no call to action, doesn’t inspire borrowers to reach out. Infrequent contact can make them assume you’re too busy or no longer originating loans. When you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind.
Bringing Ghosts Back to Life
While ghosting can’t be stopped entirely, you can reduce it and re‑engage borrowers with thoughtful strategies. It starts with empathy and ends with clear, valuable communication.
1) Differentiate Yourself Early
Before talking rates, talk about why you’re different. Specialize in a niche, like first‑time buyers, VA loans, self‑employed borrowers, and share examples of how you’ve helped people like them. Vonk emphasizes the importance of defining your unique selling proposition. When clients know you bring something special, they’re less likely to vanish.
2) Educate Instead of Selling
Shift from “closing” to “helping.” Ask about their goals, explain options, and provide resources that empower them. Borrowers appreciate educators over closers. When they feel informed and supported, they’re more likely to stay engaged.
3) Make Your Follow‑Up Valuable and Timely
Respond quickly and personalise your outreach. Replace “just checking in” with something useful, like a market update, a guide on closing costs, or a reminder of important dates. MTD suggests sharing an industry report or case study in your follow‑up to offer value. And don’t give up after one or two attempts. Hartford Funds notes that half of salespeople stop after one follow‑up, yet it often takes four touchpoints for a prospect to act. A structured follow‑up plan keeps you present without pestering.
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A latte savings (get it?)! This week, take 20% off all real estate and mortgage continuing education courses at Empire Learning. Use code SPICE at checkout and have a latte fun saving money while earning those credit hours.
😋 Browse CE CoursesOffer valid through October 18. Use promo code SPICE at checkout.
4) Use a Gentle Four‑Step Re‑Engagement
When a borrower goes quiet, Hartford Funds proposes a four‑step process that balances persistence with respect:
- Gentle Nudge (7–10 days) – Send an open‑ended email referencing your previous conversation and include a helpful resource. Ask what they see as the next step.
- Casual Call (Two weeks later) – Call with a laid‑back tone. Remind them of what you discussed and ask how they’d like to move forward. This invites real answers without pressure.
- Text Check‑In (Six weeks from first contact) – Send a short, empathetic text acknowledging their busy schedule and asking the best way to proceed.
- Lost Cause Letter (Three to six months) – If you’ve still heard nothing, mail a brief letter letting them know you’re closing the loop but are ready to help if they decide to return.
This cadence gives the borrower space while signalling that you value both their time and your own. Hartford cautions against weekly “just checking in” messages, which can feel clingy and trigger shame.
5) Set Expectations From the Start
During your first conversation, outline the process, timeline, and responsibilities. MTD recommends defining each stage of the sales process and agreeing on communication channels. Close CRM echoes this, advising originators to set clear next steps after every meeting so prospects know when and how you’ll reconnect. Clarity reduces anxiety and prevents people from disappearing.
6) Listen Actively and Personalise
Actively listen to your borrower’s concerns and show you’ve heard them. MTD suggests noting criticisms and referencing them later. Personalise your messages by mentioning past conversations or linking to articles that match their interests. Close CRM advises communicating through the borrower’s preferred channel (phone, text, or email). Using the channel they favour reduces friction and fosters trust.
7) Keep Content Relevant and Consistent
Homebot stresses that relevance and frequency matter. Create staple content such as a monthly newsletter that offers market insights and actionable tips. Supplement this with exceptional content—birthday messages, news about rate changes or home‑equity products—sent at meaningful times. Ask yourself whether your emails prompt borrowers to call or simply clutter their inbox. If engagement is low, refresh your content and schedule.
8) Choose the Right Medium
Don’t get buried in tools that consume your time without helping clients. Homebot warns that complicated marketing systems can keep you away from clients and produce low returns. Choose simple, effective mediums that work for both you and your borrowers. Focus on content that delivers value and drives conversations.
9) Create a Repeatable Process
Consistency builds trust. Homebot suggests turning frequency and relevance into a regular heartbeat for your business. Establish a schedule for calls, emails, and text messages so that outreach is rhythmic rather than sporadic. A well‑defined process also makes it easier to train team members and makes it so no client slips through the cracks.
10) Reach Out to Past Clients Regularly
Certified Credit points out that only one in five borrowers returns to their original lender. To improve retention, reach out on birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays, and share news on market trends. A simple newsletter can position you as a trusted resource. Building relationships with local real estate agents and staying connected while borrowers are actively shopping also keeps you top of mind. Tools that monitor credit inquiries can alert you when past clients enter the market again.
11) Account for Every Lead
Losing track of a lead is like leaving money on the table. Certified Credit notes that without cohesive systems, leads fall through the cracks. Use a CRM to track communication preferences and distribute inquiries to available loan officers. This leads to timely follow‑up and reduces the chance of ghosting due to internal gaps.
12) Be Patient and Empathetic
Finally, remember that ghosting is rarely about you. People have complex lives and may be dealing with fear, stress, or uncertainty. Approaching them with empathy, not desperation, shows that you respect their journey. As the Hartford article concludes, the aim is to walk the line between chasing forever and quitting too soon. Stay available, offer genuine help, and let borrowers know you’ll be ready when they are.
TLDR & Final Thoughts
Being ghosted can be disheartening, especially when you’ve invested time and care into a relationship. Yet, as these insights show, it often reflects a borrower’s circumstances rather than a critique of your service.
Differentiating yourself, delivering education, setting clear expectations, and maintaining meaningful contact means you can reduce ghosting and bring many borrowers back into the conversation.
In the process, you’ll build stronger relationships, generate more referrals, and feel more confident knowing you’ve given every prospect a respectful path forward.
Sources
- CFPB, “Report Finds Nearly Half of Borrowers Do Not Shop for a Mortgage,” Jan 13, 2015. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
- CFPB, “Know Before You Owe: Mortgage shopping study,” May 15, 2018. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
- Freddie Mac, “When Rates Are Higher, Borrowers Who Shop Around Save,” Feb 16, 2023. Freddie Mac
- Fannie Mae Perspectives, “One-Third of Recent Homebuyers Still Don’t ‘Shop Around’ for a Mortgage,” Nov 18, 2022. Fannie Mae
- Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia Working Paper, “Paying Too Much? Borrower Sophistication and Mortgage Pricing,” 2024. Federal Reserve Bank of Philadelphia
- Harvard Business Review, “The Short Life of Online Sales Leads,” 2011. Harvard Business Review
- Zillow Consumer Housing Trends Report 2024 — Buyers. Zillow
- Zillow Consumer Housing Trends Report 2024 — Sellers. Zillow
- CFPB Data Spotlight, “Trends in discount points amid rising interest rates,” Apr 5, 2024. Consumer Financial Protection Bureau
- Wall Street Journal, “Congress Considers a Crackdown on Those Spammy Calls From Mortgage Lenders,” 2025. wsj.com